IT'S OKAY TO FIGHT DIRTY
(aka The "What's the Use?" Blues)

Goes against how we were raised, right? Well, in this case, I'm talking about the fight not to give up when nasty ol' doubts are creeping up your back and taking up residence on your shoulders, whispering in your ears things like "You're kidding yourself...you're never going to make it...what's the use?"

Been there, done that. It still happens after you get published (sorry to pop your balloon.:)) We're sensitive creatures, we writers, and that same ability to feel deeply which makes our writing emotionally powerful is also our worst enemy at times.

That's why I'm a firm believer in fighting guerrilla-style. What works one day may not work the next, so we have to be like a virus-highly adaptable. (Charming image for a winter-time article, eh?)

My remedies range all the way from chocolate to drastic. Bribery is fine-if that will get you through today ("I'll go for that Hershey's with almonds if I meet today's page goal"), chances are that tomorrow you'll feel better. Or long bubble baths or favorite movies-or the Scarlett approach ("I'll let myself think about quitting tomorrow, but not today.")

Probably the most drastic thing I ever did saved my bacon many, many times. I made the bold announcement to everyone I knew that I was writing romances and would not let myself give up on getting published for at least five years. As those of you who know me have heard me say, I was lying like crazy, though I didn't know it, but I'd backed myself into a very handy corner. Never mind that I was so green when I said it that I had no idea it could possibly take more than a year. Ah, blissful ignorance...by the time I realized just how daunting the task was, I'd told way too many people who were happy to remind me of what I'd promised. Some days, it was only the thought of eating all the crow that kept me going.

But the other thing that is probably the best thing I still do to save my sanity is to write something just for me. Trying to write with selling in mind all the time can be a surefire way to kill the joy that made you want to do this in the first place. As soon as I finished one ms., I'd start on another, with the net result that I not only had something upon which to focus that was positive (instead of my anxiety about the big when) but I also learned with every book and grew as a writer.

Now that I'm published, I find I need that joy more than ever. It's a brutal business which only the strongest survive. If we lose that joy, we've truly lost it all, which is why I'm still writing stories just for me-not that I won't be real happy to sell any of them :), but that's not the main point.

When The Call came, I had just received two rejections only days before, bracketing my birthday, no less. I was lower than a snake's belly, muttering all kinds of downer messages to myself ("You're kidding yourself, you're never going to make it, what's the use?") But I was also writing, literally, when my agent called. Though I'd never felt less like I had a prayer of selling, I had made myself sit back down and work on a wildly risky, complex book that was teaching me oodles I'd never tried before.

But if you'd asked me, just before the phone rang, if I thought that magical day would ever come, I'd have laughed in your face (or cried, I'm not sure which one.) That's how quickly it can all change-within seconds, my whole world altered.

When the going gets roughest, quit pushing and step away from the battle for a moment. Take a break. Reach out for help from those of us who know how it feels. Replenish your soul by whatever means works.

Then just ask yourself this one question: could you quit writing and not feel like someone had amputated a part of you, whether or not you ever get published?

If the answer is no, then charge ahead. If discipline falls down on the job, then go with whatever lowdown, dirty, underhanded thing you have to do to trick yourself into hanging in there-moment by moment, if it's necessary. At base, it's all about stamina and persistence, both every bit as important as talent.

It's also about joy, about remembering why you began to write in the first place. Don't lose that love of storytelling, no matter what it takes. That love is a reward all its own and certainly the basis of all good writing.

Toward that end, it's okay to fight dirty to help yourself hang in there long enough to get back to that love. Sometimes bribes will work, sometimes it's going to take digging down to your toenails to dredge up the last little sliver of determination you thought for sure was gone.

This isn't just a battle to sell a book, it's a gut-check you'll face again and again in a career that will demand much of you. But you're not alone; you're in good company. We have to help each other when we're feeling strong and our compatriots aren't. We'll all face these passages again and again.

When the going gets rough, just remember: all's fair in love and war...and the battle against the "What's the Use?" Blues.

© Jean Brashear